Here's the original post: I honestly am at a lost for words. I just don't understand why this is happening to me. I'm (30F) me and my husband (30M) have been married for 5 years, together for 11. Literally had a movie like relationship, just a constaint honey moon phase. Of course, it got boring here and there, and there were bumps along the road, but I would have never thought of this. Ever. Yesterday, I was looking up a recipe on pinterest using my husbands phone, when he got a message from a contact called Internet company, but it was a video (Which I thought was weird) So I clicked on it. Within the video there was a little girl saying "dada" and a woman in the background that got super excited. I couldn't believe it. I scrolled up, tons of texts, all about different things. When he'd be visiting, if he could pick (A girls name, let's call her Kelly) Kelly up today. Daycare for (Lets call her Dina.) Date nights, all sorts of stuff. I couldn't believe my eyes. I managed to find the woman on Facebook. All it did was really hammer it in that this was really happening. I tried to convince myself that those weren't his kids. Maybe he was just cheating on me with someone with kids, please let him be cheating on me with someone with kids. This woman had two daughters, worked an office job, and posted pictures of her daughters and what she made for dinner every night. I took a breath, and messaged her. It was so, so, much worse than I could have ever imagined. These two girls, were both his. One being 11 months and the other being 4 years old. I already was panicked at the thought of him cheating on me for four years, until I asked how long. 10 years. They had been "dating" for 10 years. He kept up a double life for 10 years. I don't even want to fathom how. Apparently this woman had no idea, he always claimed he had to live away from her for work. (He visited every weekend. Which FYI I work 16 hour shifts on the weekend, and return during the afternoon, and go straight to bed.) She showed me countless videos and images of them together. I just couldn't believe it, how could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me?! We have been trying for a kid for 4 months. I was so excited to go through this experience together but that's wrong. It wouldn't have been together. I'm so glad I'm not pregnant, I can't imagine living this lie while pregnant. I just can't look past this, I feel like such an idiot! How could I not tell? Why wasn't I concerned about never seeing him on the weekends, why didn't I wonder why he took such frequent "buissness" trips, why didn't I question why he was getting so many texts from an "internet company", why? Why, why, why!? Why did he waste my time like this. Why did he hurt me like this. Why the hell did he do this?! I don't even know how to confront him. I can't sleep, I can't even be around someone like that. Someone who could do this to me. I'm so heartbroken. I can't ignore it. My life is a lie, my life is ruined, I don't know how to even try to move on. I've gotten into contact with a divorce attorney, (I'm OBVIOUSLY going to divorce him to all the people saying we should just be sisterwives (???)) Pretty small update, but I wanted everyone to also know a bunch of info, because the same questions keep getting asked."Found out my husband has been cheating for the past decade."
The next day, she posted this first update:
So here's the actual UPDATE: I haven't confronted him, after dozens of comments advising me not to. Me and the other girl (I'll give her a fake name now I guess, so lets call her "Jenny" (No her name is not Jennifer)) have been talking, she has agreed to not confront him only because we are married.
I did in fact learn that my husband WAS supporting this other family of his, and aparently "Jenny" makes a very low pay check, so she was and is financially dependent on him.
Me and Jenny also got two sides of my husband. Me and my husband's life was eerily... good? I guess you could say, never had any huge arguments, (In fact we rarely argued ever, and if we did, It was usually about me wanting him to get a different job, because I was led to believe he was only making 31K a year, which is SUPER low for his occupation.)
We had an amazing intimate life, all the normal couple bases. But aparently, he wasn't so nice to Jenny. He was far more distant (Literally also.) Yelled at her all the time, treated her like trash, only for him to bring her amazing gifts and take her out on amazing date nights and tell her how much he loved her the next week.
(What the hell?) BUT THATS NOT IT. He loves his daughters OH SO much, (Even though he's screwing over their mom!) and acts like such a good father! That makes me mad, like super mad. I can't even fathom why? He's not 100% trash, shouldn't I be happy? But I'm not. I'm so mad at him. It's eating away at me that i can't just scream at him about how horrible he is.
NOW, here's a whole bunch of info, to answer a bunch of questions:
How didn't you notice money missing? Our finances were kept seperate, we also got a prenup when we got married.
WHY WERE YOU ON HIS PHONE?!?!? GASP, could it be... my phone was almost dead! So I... USED HIS?! Yes I noticed he had calls from her, but she was saved as "internet company" so I paid little mind.
Oh and funny thing is, I'm saved as Spam Call in his phone (Which fun fact, was a joke between us because I used to call him 5 times every day during our early twenties. People used to literally call me spamy. I occasionally got mad at him, because how would he know if it was spam or not?! Pretty mad I didn't get weirded out faster.)
How didn't you figure out via social media?/How did you find her? 1: I usually only use Facebook to look at stupid memes and talk to friends. 2: I had her phone number, that's how.
Why didn't you text her instead of messaging her? Got this one as a private message. But I talked to her on facebook because I didn't want him to see my number on her phone somehow. (I know, paranoid and whatever.)
Why don't you just convert, and be sister wives! Why... Why would I do that?
How didn't you notice?/Why did you get married so young? Idk, maybe I trusted my parter of 11 years? We got married "young" because he wanted to, and we could.
How could he have the energy to keep up a double life? I'm not him, I don't know. Honestly, it's beyond me why he would be with me and her at the same time, it makes more sense for him to have been with her full time than me.
What about family? He told Jenny that he cut his family off years ago (He didn't.) and Jenny grew up in foster care, and was never adopted. Funny thing is, his family probably won't care that he cheated on me, they'll only care that they were dare kept away from their grandbabies!
Oh and edit: JENNY GAVE ME PERMISSION TO TELL ALL THESE THINGS ONLINE AS LONG AS I DON'T GIVE OUT HER ACTUAL PERSONAL INFO.
Three weeks later, she posted this second update:
Hello everyone, I am back. I've moved out of our house, I'm staying with a friend. We're getting divorced. I confronted him with said friend, just simply because you never know what can happen. But at least I got some form of closure out of this.
First off, he wasn't sorry at all. Didn't even ask me to stay, just huffed and said "Okay, if this is what you want." When I asked him why, he just looked up at me. Didn't say a word. I asked him how, how he could keep this up for so long, what did he say? "Because you both went along with it." So of course I asked further.
As many of you guessed, Jenny knew. for some odd reason she was okay with this?? I still don't understand why she would lie to me instead of idk just blocking me or something. I'll admit I was upset, very upset, and confused. So I asked again Why would you do this?
He told me that he was cheating on me with her since the beginning of our dating, that she was just a fling though, and he didn't expect either relationship to really last. But it did! (Woohoo...) When I asked him why to cheat in the first place, "Because I was young, could get away with it at that time, so why not?"
He disgusts me. I asked why he married me instead of her. "Because you were the better choice." When I asked him to elaborate... he definently elaborated.
Jenny didn't have a good job, so she was a "bad investment" (Ew) Jenny was "uglier" (ONCE AGAIN EW.) Jenny wasn't as "good" as me, she wasn't as clean as me, she wouldn't be as good of a partner as me, and so on. I asked why he would even sleep with her if he liked me better? Because she was more "kinky" (For your information, I am not kinky. At all, I'm very vanilla in fact.)
I asked about the kids, of course. He clarified that the first kid was an "accident" He literally did the air quotes. He had a second one with her, because in his mind, he could handle one, so why not two.
When I asked about how he treated Jenny, he confirmed that he did in fact, only see her on weekends, but claimed to have never treated her poorly. He said he treated her as "the mother of his children" and "respected her as such." but never treated her as a romantic partner (aparently she's only there to screw, not to love. :))
At the end of it all, he asked if he could talk to me privately. I couldn't find a reason not, so I sent my friend out of the room. He told me that he still "loved me" and that we could work this out if I really wanted to. That he would abandon Jenny and his daughters(But still pay child support)
I said no, to which he let out the most DRAMATIC sigh I'd ever heard in my life. Before saying "have it your way then!" Then wearing the most smug smile I've ever seen, like he'd won the biggest battle of all time.
I was left conflicted. I cried in my friend's car all the way to his house. It's like my (now ex) could just change everything with a flick of a switch. I can feel myself already wanting him back. But I'm not going back, I'm never going back. I've got a lawyer, (so does he) the papers are signed, all thats left is court.
I can't believe how much my life has changed this year. I went from getting giddy to go home to see my husbands smile, to dreading it. Hating it. Wishing to never see it again. I don't know whether Jenny really knew, but I'm guessing she did. I mean how did she not know for 10 years? But that being said, how didn't I know for ten years?
Whatever. I just wanted to let reddit know that this is whats happened. (This didn't happen "recently" But I forgot about the whole reddit post. I've got other things to worry about if you didn't notice.. haha..) I don't know what to trust. I don't even want to reach out to "Jenny" I don't even want to know the truth anymore.
You know Matthew, if you manage to see this, honestly, I applaud you. Congrats, you did it! You ruined everything. You got away with it for over a decade, and it's finally over. I wonder if you'll go back to Jenny or just find some other girl to trick, to destroy. All I care is that you leave me out of it. I'm looking forward to moving on and minding someone who actually loves me.
Sources: Reddit
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